"Jai Yen": cool heart

Dear Friends,

In my post of 2 weeks ago, I was talking about what a safety-minded dame I am, even in the context of having quit my tenure-track professorship to move across the world to Bangkok.  To follow up on that theme, I seem to be the only person in Thailand who cares much about traffic safety.

People here don't use seat belts.

Vehicles here don’t even have seat belts, except in the front seat.

Not even on the school vans.

When I am in a taxi with others, I will ride in the back so as to be able to talk with friends. But when I am by myself, I always take the driver rather aback by climbing into the front seat to sit with him--the shotgun seat is the only one with a seatbelt.  

Likewise with bike helmets.  When I tried to buy one, I couldn’t find one large enough for my head; they were all in children’s sizes (and one store wouldn’t even sell me a bike mirror, insisting that they were only for children).  I have to have a sense of humor about the fact that my eyeglasses are “Barbie Doll” brand.  That and “Hello Kitty” were the ones that would fit my teeny tiny little head. If I couldn’t get my western hips into a Thai accessory, that would be one thing, but my head?? When I finally found an adult helmet and bought it, it felt so cheap and useless that I ended up borrowing an American one from a colleague who wasn’t using hers.  (Side note to my mother: yes, “bike helmet” is on the list I am compiling of things I’ll ask you to bring me when you come to visit this winter)

This brings me to the next surprising thing: Americans, Brits, Canadians, and Australians all seem get off the plane and say “Woo Hoo!  No more of those pesky safety standards!” I’ve grown accustomed to seeing entire Thai families all piled onto one scooter, kids balanced complacently, everyone having a good time.  But I still do a double-take when I see all my colleagues riding scooters, bicycles, and even motorcycles without helmets.  Then again, the result is that there was a helmet available for me to borrow on a long term basis, so I’m benefiting from this.  I suppose that everyone who is drawn to international teaching has a cowboy or cowgirl streak to some degree, but mine doesn’t extend as far as riding without a helmet or a seatbelt.  

My friend AK, who has traveled extensively in India, gave me the excellent advice that when I am a motor vehicle passenger and I find myself alarmed by the driver’s total non-adherence to traffic laws, I should try to think of myself as being in a chase scene in an adventure movie. That way, I can try to enjoy a death-defying ride instead of just being terrified that I’m going to be one of Bangkok's many traffic accident victims.

To be fair, I haven’t experienced anything like the kind of life-threatening journeys that she described (and don't wish to do so).  I’m always just bemused that Bangkok drivers, as a matter of course, will turn a one-lane road into a two-lane road by driving on the shoulder, or drive in the oncoming lane for half a block or so if it’s convenient.  You get the idea.

Here’s the amazing thing: as congested as the traffic is in Bangkok, and as idiosyncratic as the drivers are, nobody honks.  It is considered rude.  I live in a gated neighborhood, and on occasion I have rung my bike bell when approaching the gates, when I get the impression that the guards haven’t noticed me.  I have been in suspense one too many times about whether the gate is going to open or whether I’ll need to brake suddenly, but I’m reconsidering this practice.  I’ll need to check with a colleague more familiar with Thailand than I.  What is practical at home may be deemed terribly aggressive here.

Regarding the astonishing combination of bad traffic, eccentric driving, and no honking, one of the values that Thai culture highly esteems is jai yen, to have a “cool heart.”  It helps maintain the smooth workings of daily social interaction if people avoid feeding their hot-headedness, or, to give a literal definition, hot-heartedness (jai ron means “hot heart”).  The flip side is that this can lead to passive aggressiveness, or conflict-avoidance in other unproductive ways, but on the whole, I’m a big fan of the concept, and trying to be a novice practitioner.  To have a cool heart--it’s a good goal.

Another Thai cultural attitude that I’m trying to adopt is that of mai pen rai, which translates as “don’t worry,” or “it doesn’t matter.”  It’s an expression people use to shake off disagreement or aggravation.  Thais are famously tolerant, and part of this is that they cultivate an un-begrudging approach to engagement.  The attitude is that most things aren’t worth getting upset about.  Again, there can be a downside to this mentality (some things are worth getting upset about), but there’s a lot to be said for it.  

In closing, I’m attaching some photos of myself, from a friend’s birthday celebration.  This is a group of my coworkers, and we are out at Nest, the rooftop bar at LeFenix Hotel (and in the blurry shot, looking up at the mirrored ceiling of the elevator).  

And here I am with my buddy AG (fellow newcomer, Psychology and Creative Writing teacher) at the school’s “Welcome Back” party.

It was at a swanky hotel--ice sculpture of the school’s logo and all. The woman in the photo is Sudha, the Deputy Head of School, who hired me, so I’m a big fan.